This time of year, revolves around family and friends! The older we get, the more empty chairs we have around the table. We can’t live forever, our bodies have expiration dates but we can enjoy the ride, while honoring our loved ones who are here in spirit. As you decorate your tree or light the Menorah, it’s healthy to savor the moment, while remembering holidays from the past. Every day of the year will be someone’s birthdate and someone’s death date, that can’t be avoided but whether it’s a happy day or sad day, we’re all visited by emotions from the past. Making children happy and giving them the gift of security and warmth seems to be the cornerstone of life because we are all shaped by our childhood, we learn and grow from it. When I bring through the dead, they talk about their childhood and for those who had a beautiful one, they gush over their many fond memories with their parents, how they felt loved and special. For those who didn’t have great parents or any at all, they often become the parent they wished they had, healing themselves in turn. After they die they often say in readings, “My mom (or dad) and I made amends, they see the rippling affects of their actions and asked for my forgiveness”. Talking about making amends after death seems important to the deceased, many become whole for the first time in their existence through forgiveness. Adulthood is great but childhood seems to be the magical stardust in our souls, interwoven moments of new discoveries, first times and creating memories with our family and friends through Summer cookouts, Halloween parties, Christmas cookie exchanges, after school playdates with the neighborhood kids, millions of moments that add up to the nexus of who you are. The people who were present in your childhood have a great impact on who you are, so when they die, you feel as though part of your childhood died. The holidays revolve around children for the most part, making that time of year extremely emotional and sentimental for us all. The holidays are reminiscent of grandma’s laugh, Uncle Joe’s funny mustache, mom’s special touches, dad dressing up like Santa or giving your mom a big kiss after one too many cups of holiday cheer! The invaluable memories of playing with your brother and sister and all your new toys, falling asleep by the fireplace as the firelight warms your face, all wrapped up in your favorite blanket and believing that all things are possible. If during the holidays you’re missing someone close to your heart, know they’re missing you too. The dead tell me in readings “Heaven’s not complete, until you’re there” just as you can’t be 100% content without them here, still making memories with you. So, the only way to satisfy both the grieving living and the grieving dead, is for you to acknowledge each other as still being part of each other’s world. Show home movies, laugh with your kids or friends over photo albums as you remember the joy brought into your life by the one you hold in your heavy heart. They love it when we talk about them and pour over their pictures, they love it when we share their special signature dish with others so they can listen to the compliments fly, they’re touched when you raise a glass in their honor at your family dinner, while they’re standing beside you beaming with their hand on your shoulder, taking in the love. The more you include them in your family traditions, the stronger your connection to them will get, making communication more frequent. Once, you’re seeing their signs and starting to experience their presence, take it to the next level, tell them they’re still part of the family and you want them in your daily life, then ask them “for a visit”. Establishing a relationship after someone dies is as important as being there for them in life.
